


Damage and Recovery

by Jojos_bizarre_dong



Category: The Creatures | Cow Chop RPF
Genre: Hospitals, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, NovaHD - Freeform, Recovery, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2019-05-08 12:06:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14693891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jojos_bizarre_dong/pseuds/Jojos_bizarre_dong
Summary: multiple little fics about mental illness and recovery. probably just gonna be james and aleks but we'll see where it goes





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Don't read this if you're sensitive to self harm! this is also my like, 3rd fic lmao so be gentle with me

       Aleks pulled the baby blue fleece blanket over his body as he hopped into bed and kicked his shoes off, not caring where they went. He was so fucking tired, all he cared about was laying down and going the hell to sleep. His wishes of relaxation were soon interrupted however by James barging into the room. Aleks grunted and turned over to face the other side as James slid into bed with him, wrapping his arms around his partner’s warm torso. Aleks rolled his shoulders back and slipped his hand in between James’, and James absentmindedly rubbed his thumb against Aleks’ hand and traced a faint scar that lined up horizontally against his knuckles. He breathed deeply into Aleks’ back and snuggled up closer before finally opening his mouth to speak.

       “Why?”

       “Hm?” Aleks replied, eyes fluttering open and catching a glimpse of his boyfriend’s hand. His heart sank as he noticed James’ eyes on his scar, a piece of himself that he had been denying and hiding for years. The rest he could cover up with tattoos. This one however, he could not.

       “Why did you do this to yourself?” James whispered, shuffling his sock-clad feet together awkwardly to keep them warm and to keep himself occupied. This was a conversation neither of them really wanted to have, but it had been brewing since James had first saw them in 2013. Then, they had been fresh and Aleks was in a hospital bed. Now, they’re 5 years old and Aleks is laying in the comfort of his own home, but a feeling familiar to hospital visits was rising up in his chest. Dread.

       “I…” Aleks trailed off, not sure how to finish his thought. There was never really one definite reason, it all just... happened. One day he could be doing okay and the next day if he received one wrong look or one angrily-toned sentence it would all come crashing down. Even through years of therapy and monthly check-ins with his doctor and countless inpatient treatments he could never pin it to one reason, never could get to the root of it. Maybe he was just born to be this way, to be a hopeless waste of space. There were so many unspoken words he could blurt out to James, he could talk about how he feels so alone in this fight, how he has to keep himself busy or the urge to just end it all comes rushing back like a wave of regret, or how he doesn’t trust himself to be alone anymore because he’ll take the first sharp thing he can find and cut away at his worthless flesh. The 4 day-old gash on his right thigh ached.

       “You don’t have to answer, babe. It was a dumb question.”

       “N-no, I…” He butted in, desperately searching for something to say, something that will soothe the fear of James leaving him if he says one wrong thing. His mind raced with worry as he stumbled over his words and he eventually gave up his feeble attempt to explain himself. He sighed and clenched his teeth together as he felt a lump forming in his throat, praying to whoever’s up there to not let him cry. Aleks curled up in James’ arms and laid his head back down on the pillow, waiting for James to say something. Anything.

       "I love you, Aleksandr.”

        Aleks let out a breath of relief.

       “I love you too.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again don't read if you're sensitive to self harm and/or suicide!!!
> 
>  
> 
> Also if anyone wants to be my proofreader pls hmu, i dont have time for that shit lmao

_Clink_

 

       The sound of metal hitting the floor rang in Aleks’ ears as he leaned back against the wall, his breathing quick and sporadic. Blood filled his new cut and pooled into perfect crimson spheres, glistening in the bathroom lights. It began dripping down his leg as he clenched his teeth and slid to the ground, careful not to sit on his barely sharp razor.

 

_Drip drip_

 

       Blood dripped onto the floor and onto the bleach-cleaned tiles, tiles that James had to clean of course. If given access to anything deadly he and James both knew that the hospital bills would skyrocket. Aleks was lucky to have “friends” who could fuel his bad habit, friends who were allowed to go to the convenience store without their boyfriends checking the receipt. He kept his razors on him at all times, fearing that James would break up with him if he found out that Aleks had still been cutting. He was lucky that James liked to have sex with the lights off.

 

_Drip drip_

 

       Aleks still wasn't satisfied.

 

       He scrambled for the razor and shakily held it in his boney fingers, holding it up to the light to check for blood. He wiped it off with his sleeve and pressed it hard against his thigh, bracing himself. He swiped it quickly and forcefully to the right, cursing under his breath as the blood began to pool twice as fast as last time. Tears bit at the corners of his eyes as he tore his view away from the ugly gash on his scar-covered thigh. A familiar voice whispered from the back of his head, a voice that sent shivers down his body.

 

_One more cut Aleks._

_You know where._

 

       He ripped back his sleeve and stared at his tattoo-clad wrist, ignoring the blood practically pouring onto the ground. He pushed the razor there and pulled, smiling at the sight of blood dripping down his arm. He did it.

 

_Knock knock_

 

       Aleks tensed up at the sound of knuckles on the wood door next to him, getting up to answer but crashing back down to the floor. His vision grew fuzzy at the corners as his head began to ache, hurting more than his cuts did.

 

       James yelled from the other side of the door, pounding on the door harder. “Are you okay? Aleks?”

 

       Aleks tried to speak but could only gasp for air, his mind growing more and more foggy. The last thing he saw was the door nearly flying off of the hinges as James broke it down, standing over his pathetic body. As his vision went black the last thing he felt was a salty tear drop onto his face.

  
  
  



End file.
